First there were only small rates. I would plump most abruptly and kind of slightly inappropriate in just the right innocuous conversations: “at the time of the next district Assembly present, the does well, it’s there, once to get rid of”, suggested to me a Known. I was pale on the bike trail Situation in us. Another Time it was a spilled out of control parents evening, a looking back, rather funny event, but what, in turn, obviously not came out that way. “If there is such a Problem in the Parenting, maybe you should find a Mediator” suggested a friend with a serious look.
Finally, I got on Whatsapp a Link sent to a “laboratory of ideas” with the warm recommendation from me then, turn to that would be “specialized” to people like me, greetings and have a nice day. The message came from a former work colleague, we had a chat about this and that, the weather, upcoming parents-in-law visits, past holidays, and quite casually, I had mentioned, sometimes thinking about me professional training, but still don’t know how.
advice instead of sympathy
While I actually wanted to talk, wanted to advise the other in front of all. Give answers to questions that I had not made proposals for solutions to present problems, which I had not perceived in this way at all. It is now virtually impossible, the unwillingness to learn one of his children to get without the name of a “really good” tutor under the nose held. Any mention of tweaking back leads to office chair recommendations or osteopathy-secret addresses.
While I really wanted to talk, wanted to advise the other in front of all.
A friend told me the other day at lunch a colleague of a more severe illness in your family. You got instead of sympathy to the note, to have to fast after a “self-help group for family members,” look around, “this is now very important”. Another friend, for many years, Single, reported by your last underground Dates, hurled at the sister-in-law to the sentence: “I think you’re too fixated on a type. You need to find now is also the time to others.”
Who are today looking for help, you find. Coaches, or those who call themselves so, there are for all the life situations and problems – “Burn-out-coach”, “Sex coaches”, “walking coach”, even some barbers describe themselves as “the hair Coach”. Quite a lot of people can be so in a very different way of bringing it forward. A visit-day Workshops on “Sovereign Occur in everyday life”; look forward to the weekly sessions that the company pays for them; or go to refuel is equal to mass events such as “thoughts” for the fast life solution for Infusion in between.
Private Coaching hour instead of entertainment
It is a human impulse, a fresh you have Learned, and re-Listened to that you find “inspiring” or “tremendously exciting” to pass. Only this unfortunately leads to the fact that the Coach of spills into personal life. And while against the a (people get help in life) nothing is wrong with it, the other (people give of their environment without asking, and constantly advice) to an unpleasant imbalance.
what happens if from a conversation to a private Coaching session is that you never booked? From conversations at eye height with friends, Acquaintances, colleagues, conversations with a slope – similar to those between parent and child, teacher and student, boss and employee. Within seconds, the other helpless, here is weaker, is made smaller, says Renate Trucksaess, because you teach very clearly: “I know how to do it. And you don’t.”
Renate Trucksaess is a lawyer, therapist and Coach. For you advice is “always also an imperative character”, which is why reputable coaches you should be in life not to give. It was as a Coach, only a projection surface, and help your clients find a solution out of himself. Advice on genuine communication are also killer: “I throw a solution in and am out in order from the subject.”
Advice instead of listening
You could call it also a friendly laziness: Instead of dealing with the other, to ask or listen, zack, zack brought a rogue drug (calendar wisdom, their own experience of life, clever book) from the in-house pharmacy, with the the annoying suffering of the other quickly relieved to. And, little side effect from the instruction leaflet: This creates also pressure to start because the thoughts of the other circles. Should I call maybe once a tutor? Office chairs test? A self-help group for relatives go to?
From conversations at eye height with friends, talks with a slope – similar to those between the teacher and the students.
Well, one could argue now: The counselors want to help, what can be so reprehensible? It is meant well! “Well meant”, however, immediately in the list of the Top Ten toxic need to words, because what is well-intentioned, is always given with a nasty barb more: no Matter how stupid you think you can’t blame me. But, question: why is it so difficult to give advice only when you asked the question?
With the constant “clean” is lost throw something completely different: The well-maintained Small Talk, in front of hinplätschernde conversations, the valuation is free and without a target and therefore as comfortable as a warm bath. Is not lost the good conversation among friends, hours and hours of ping-pong after, you know, perhaps, still further, in the but a couple of Times firmly embraced felt. Renate Trucksaess puts it this way: “What is lost, is near.”
Receive instead of send
To this closeness, listening, silence, questions, withstand. Means: let’s not send, but receive. That’s not necessarily according to time, is a taught but life constantly and, above all, for the profession to be “visible” to highlight and profile, so, it’s actually duration to send. Who advises, is active, and holds the scepter in the Hand and makes things definitely not easy times to run.
Rike Pätzold, called “uncertainty expert, future-thinker, blue-water sailor” and consults companies in questions of intercultural communication, summarizes this behavior as: “can the world differentiate between the two cultures.” There is the “property-oriented”, which, in essence, the Switzerland, Germany, the USA, the Scandinavian countries, and the “relationship-oriented”, more-or-less the Rest of the world. In the “relationship-oriented”, so Pätzold, it is a connection to the other building, the “property-oriented” focus on solutions and efficiency.
why is it so difficult to give advice only when you asked the question?
But who’s going to be trimmed out to reach a goal, the will, the “uncertainty of expert”, also quite “tight” in the head. The do not ask so much, want to know, above all, quickly know. And so it comes to an interesting feedback effect: A property-oriented desire to want to solutions in an increasingly complex world, applies to the Coaching industry, the solutions for all of life supposedly has to offer, and is supported by there is little professional to private life and back again.
advice to heed or not?
recently, I wrote an email to a large known round: Can you to advice, whether unbidden or not, remember that you heeded? There are different answers arrived very. “Not on age, and weather annoy. You can’t change, only costs of energy.” “The right time for children, there is not.” “Sometimes it is enough to wait until the enemy pushes dead down the river.” None described a specific Situation or specific instructions, it lugs basic way of thinking.
And many replied that they could really be happy to reconsider. But honestly, it’s a case of them at the Moment, not a single piece of advice that you would be accepted.
Created: 04.12.2019, 14:50 PM
