Adultery is not only when your partner has rubbed genitals with another than you.
It can also be emotional infidelity. And it is perhaps the form, you are guilty of.
The kind of infidelity is less visible and probably comes creeping in on you. But it is equally destructive for a relationship, and thus lead also to sexual infidelity.
It explains psychologist and author Diana Kirschner.
But what is emotional infidelity and what are the danger signs that you or your girlfriend are playing with fire?
When you give your heart, your care, your intimate thoughts and your attention to another – as you also have sexual thoughts about – than your boyfriend, you’re probably emotionally cheating.
This form of infidelity can sneak into the relationship, as it becomes safe and boring and dispassionately. Here is more småbrok and bickering than sex and pleasure, and the rest runs on autopilot, and then it may happen that you start to confide in a colleague or an old friend, that have sprung up on facebook.
Here complaints you your need, you quibble over that her boyfriend does not see you, understand you, listen to you, you share thoughts, feelings and secrets, and gradually it seems as if your friend is much more understanding and caring than your boyfriend.
You are emotionally unfaithful. And so is the step for the physical version of the card.
Research indicates that men find sexual infidelity worse, while women believe that the emotional is more hurtful. Read about it in the faktaboksen further down.
no matter what so that is the main reason behind many problems in relationships, that one or both parties miss the closeness and intimacy. And if one then discovers that her boyfriend will get and gives it to another place, it can be just as hurtful and destructive as a sexual affair.
Here are the six signs that you are emotionally cheating:
You quibble over your girlfriend to your friend, who you feel understands you much better.
You feel less cohesion with your partner than with your friend.
You have sexual thoughts about your friend.
You tell more about yourself to your friend than to your girlfriend.
You would rather be with your friend than your girlfriend.
Your girlfriend does not know that you have feelings for your friend.
Hey, you’re on the wrong track? Do you feel taken? Fear not, because according to Diana Kirschner, you can in principle still save your relationship. They should ‘just’ do these five things:
Realize that the emotional infidelity is a serious threat to your relationship.
to get your relationship back on the right course you will have to distance yourself emotionally from your friend and enough to break the contact.
Talk about your problems in the relationship with your boyfriend or a therapist, not with your friend.
Recreate the intimacy and friendship in your relationship. Numbers together, such a true, deep, honest and a good listener.
pretend you have an affair with your girlfriend. Go on dates together, be present and prioritize sex.
Sexual and emotional infidelity
Adultery is adultery is adultery, one would think. There can surely be no disagreement about when to have betrayed his partner’s trust and love.
But it is there, and it is in any degree influenced by gender. And it’s not just about sex.
Women are more jealous opposite emotional infidelity than men, which, in turn, brands jealousy burn more by sexual infidelity.
It is evidenced by a study in which the researchers were 1074 Norwegian students, women and men, to fill the questionnaires, how they should relate to different utroskabsscenarier – some where the partner is sexually unfaithful, the other emotionally.
And, after having controlled for the participants ‘ socio-sexual orientation (where the opening is opposite the non-committal sex) and experience with infidelity, came the researchers find that men are much more jealous if a partner has sex with someone else, than women did. They felt, in turn, jealousy the stronger the emotional infidelity.
Just because Norway is a country with great equality between the sexes, the scientists believe that their findings point to an evolutionary basis for the differences.
In Norway, it is expected that fathers also take care of their children throughout childhood, and therefore one might assume that a higher degree would be the same attitudes to infidelity – if you were to believe that culture plays crucial into such an area as mating strategies.
Conversely believe evolutionspsykologer, to the development of the human through the millennia, has a decisive influence on our reproductive challenges. For example, infidelity.
Here is the theory that a man must decide whether he really is the father of a partner’s child, if he is to invest his protection, status, and resources in the offspring. So, that is why the jealousy of the man’s emotional reaction when he sees signs of sexual infidelity.
According to the theory react the woman different. Her interest is to get the man to invest time and resources in her and the child, and the biggest threat to it is not to he cracking other, but that he uses time and effort on other women than her.
And why should women be more jealous opposite emotional infidelity, and very sensitive to the signs that he allocates the mental and temporal resources on the other.
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