We have lost him. Perhaps this is the sorrow, the worst of the girls, who have been so accustomed to always be able to … that has been so accustomed to always having him there. I also feel of it, the hole in the family, of course – but at the same time, it is easier for me. I can fill the days in another way: to be traded and scaled and scrubbing. You do not have time to sit and yearn, to stand in the kitchen. Life pauses not even at big losses.
Yes, perhaps it is worst for the girls. In general, I think it will be less daunting for an adult than for children, the sudden void. For them it is their first experience, so near, of having to miss someone in that way. They are small, just three and six years old. When you are approaching forty, people are more jaded in any way, you know that life contains shadows as well as sunshine. You can’t hold on to the past.
for the girls. Although I must admit that I am also still in some kind of shock, that it went so quickly. That it was so sudden and total. You think you can prepare, but when it happens it is still at a loss. One moment he was there, and the next he was just gone. Absorbed.
It was the morning that he turned eight, which perhaps made it even more noticeable. The girls and I had baked the cake the night before, chocolate with blueberries. They were excited about getting to sneak up early in the morning to sing, had packed up their drawings in the old julklappspapper – yes, you can think of. And so in the midst of the celebration, just: poof. He said, not even goodbye, just opened the covers and disappeared.
the Girls constantly worried about me, the rest of the day. What has happened? You could notice the wonder in their eyes, the childish avoidance of facing a new reality, that to see them take their first taken out on the blank ice. You want to shout a warning for them but know at the same time that they must settle on their own to learn.
based on the doll’s house of cardboard boxes that he left behind, but there was no real momentum in the game longer. They approached his lego. First unsure if annekterandet of such a well-guarded treasure would do he came back. Then, gradually freer, maybe a little disappointed that not even one such misbehaviour could give them their brother back.
Yes, the first few days were heavy. No one can say otherwise. But even the most disruptive events, which shakes the reality in the ground, eventually becomes the everyday. We get used to it so small to live on – maybe not as usual, but as close to normal as possible. Constellations will be different and it is very possible that somewhere is useful, even if it hurts in the beginning. Man himself to talk in a conversational tone again, instead of hyschande. Man himself to laugh, despite the fact that it is a voice that is missing. You stop taking detours around the living room.
Or, the living room? Why do I call it the living room? It is not a living room anymore, but Caspians ship, Dorindas train, or yes, what do I know. What do I know about where he is right now. There slukhålet can send one anywhere. I know from my own experience. Lewis Carroll described it pretty well, when he wrote up the rabbit hole for Alice: first fall, fall, fall and then one does not know anymore where some of the doors lead.
the home some day, tousled in her hair. Maybe we can talk then, if the ice burst, about how it is with Janne now-a-days, with Momo and Edgar, and if Dårfinkarna and Dönickarna he met on the road.
Yes, perhaps you will come home some day, friend. But if you don’t do it? If it is for you as for me it became a slukarliv instead of a slukarålder? If you stay over there long, long time? Then there is still a consolation for a mother who been left behind, abandoned to the benefit of Kalle Blomkvist and Biggles. And it is that I see you even though you are away. For almost all of the places you travel to, I have been. Uriah Heep was not fun to have to do with thirty years ago.
no matter: I have also ran over the where the meadow, and cried just those tears. You will not see me, I know, you have to pitch the tent with George, but I am looking at you from the next page. Turn soon, otherwise you go because when you are sailing against the black island. I set a glass of juice here, on the coffee table or on the Merlin’s stone. In the dusk, tordyveln, but don’t be afraid, it ends up almost always good.
is difficult, you can always ask. I am in the kitchen for so long. (We call it the kitchen in any case. But you know it just pretend that it is a kitchen. You know where we really are). Yes, the heart, you know now.
And the girls? Well they are mourning now. But soon they will after. You will be able to see them coming. Was a nice storebrorsa and help them if they get lost on the way.
Read more the chronicles of Agnes Lidbeck , among other things, that the operation carries christmas on .
