What is BDSM, how can one get it fitted into a busy life, and what can you do about the taboos associated with sex and especially black sex?

This is some of the things that the couple Oliver and Christian are talking about in a podcast series, which they call the ‘Sex in the evening, honey?’

We had a chat with 31-year-old Pernille from Ringsted:

– the Goal with the podcast is to demystify the things we’re talking about. Talk about the hard stuff, breaking with the taboos associated with sex and in particular BDSM. For it is not, as you look at the film, and everything is not, as you imagine. We want to help couples or singles to understand things better, understand her better.

– Perhaps you could pair listen to the podcast together and in the context of learning to know each other better and come in time to talk about the things that gives red cheeks. We talk openly about our and others ‘ issues, and the listeners discover that they may not stand alone with it, says Pernille, who believe that the target audience is 20-50 year olds.

– Completely normal people, who would like to learn, but at the same time not take everything so seriously. The podcast includes some humor also.

the 31-year-old Pernille has moved in the BDSM environment in six years, but she has long had a taste for the tougher sex:

– Before it was more hidden, since I don’t know quite what it was, or if it was just me who was strange. So since I was about 18 years old, I knew, I was the kind of. I’m a switch, and my boyfriend Christian is the Dom with switch tendencies.

the Switch means that one can be both dominant and judge. Judgment means one is the dominant in the relationship.

We met each other four years ago on a forum for single parents. Since then we have given our knowledge of BDSM on, each in their own way. Three years ago, the Christian ‘sex with pure conscience’ (smrs.dk), and I began to work in the sexshoppen Afrodite-Ringsted.

– Some who practise BDSM, living in the so-called 24/7 relationship, where they so to speak is always in their S/M roles, makes also it?

– Yes, we do, but we have three kids and a day with packed lunches and sour socks as everyone else, says Pernille, who make sure to adapt the lifestyle with the rest of everyday life.

– What does it mean that you are the switch?

– If I am in a period of time have submissive tendencies, so I allow myself to be so until the second part, the dominant part, begins to smolder in the body. It may be something I want to try, or a side of me that needs to unfold again.

– It can of course also be the other way around. So I have been very dominant in the a period of time, so can the desire to surrender and just receive the get. Fortunately, Christian is also a part switch, so both our pages can be accommodated quite easily.

BDSM is often a misunderstood concept, believe Pernille:

– I love the versatility of it. You can choose as you like – within the rules. I’m not into big pain, but I love the psychological game, drifterne and passion for each other.

– Really is BDSM very sensitive and requires much communication, and I like that one in the play can move closer to each other and have fun and be shared on the development. I like when you can really get into the other’s head through the mindfucking – it is SO special and provides a great break from the aforementioned lunches and sour socks.

– Mindfucking can be many things, but some examples from my own life could be: A summer day last year I had a day off, and it was lovely weather, and so I usually go for extra long walks with our dogs. We live in the country, so we meet not very many people.

Christian had written a message to me that he should have a picture of the asphalt AND my genitals in the SAME picture before at 15. Otherwise I had to take a consequence, I didn’t know what was. At that time my thoughts only run around the task I had been given and nothing else.

– another example could be, when he asked me to pack some certain whips, toys, and some totally random things that did not make sense according to the rest of it, I should pack. We had a place to go, and I may not know how or where. I should have some specific clothes on and be trusseløs.

– I love the deep relation, as you can get in BDSM, but I’m not into the hardcore black sex, says Pernille. Private
She mindfucker also Christian:

– I’m toying with his patience, most men have no patience, which, I think, is fun to play with – and it’s titillating at the same time. I tickle and tirrer him, e.g. by giving him the blindfold on, then treat him in a short time on the places I know he loves to edge him with sex toys.

– I’ll get him to do things by myself, even though I basically know that now he is there, he is actually a hunger for the orgasm, then I continue my game on him, when I’ve got my. He is extra impatient, he becomes fixated more fixed or get a penalty. It could be that I refused him his prostataorgasme, as I know he loves, says Pernille, who live along with Christian and their three ^ children.

As the other couples is lack of time and profits the biggest challenge:

– the Communication that is so essential in BDSM, are, thankfully, not a problem, but work, family, kids and everyday life can take hard on one, and when the time is 22.00, so you no longer have profits to play ‘sexkilling’, when the alarm rings about six hours. A BDSM-seance takes not just five minutes. There must be time to immerse and do it properly. Then of course, there is room for vaniliesex with us.

Vanlijesex is the BDSM’are, call the type of sex that non-BDSM’are grow – that is, sex without distinctive roles, power, and fetishes.

– I love the deep relation, as you can get in BDSM, but I’m not into the hardcore black sex. I’m certainly not into knife play, blood play or serious pain. I’m not to the full fixation, where all the limbs are bound tightly fixed, and the body is exposed to various smertepåvirkninger. I’m not into big brands, humiliation, or the like.

But the heavy floggere that goes in the muscle, have a massaging effect, which feels good. You just have a blindfold on, then you have grown bdsm – no more is needed. Most just think, there MUST be pain depending.

– But most of all, it is the interplay between two people who find common enjoyment in the great universe, like BDSM, that is bold. Mindfucking, Cuffs, floggere, secretions – semen, juices, saliva and urine because the abdomen is overstimulated – the animal instincts with raw sex, where one uses the muscles, the strength, biting, scratching, hive hair, and absolutely no visible romance.

the Pair comes in the clubs, but it is often to get inspiration and meet like-minded:

– We are not genuine swingers, but can sometimes take an extra girl in the bedroom. We are very private about our own sessions and would like to immerse ourselves in each other, and it is not always that there is a concentration of it in a club, says Pernille, who say ‘Sex tonight, honey?’ is not only about BDSM.

In the podcast talking Pernille and Christian also quite common residents ‘ sex lives and the challenges they face, for example, how you can make time for sex when you have small children, and the problems that women have with their own body and sexuality.

the Interim, the couple has made five title – and more are on the way. Photo: Annamaria Anhalt/Annamaria.dk