When a pregnant woman’s belly grows, that’s a reason for many people to celebrate. “Most people are very accommodating and helpful, they experience pregnancy as something positive,” explains psychotherapist Wolfgang Krüger from Berlin.
But strange situations can also arise, for example in the circle of colleagues or acquaintances. Some ignore the baby bump, others stammer. There are also people who rejoice almost a little too much and ask intrusive questions.
The sight of a pregnant woman can evoke numerous emotions in the person opposite you – depending on what phase of life he or she is in at the moment. “It shows us how we could live,” the therapist puts it. This raises an important unanswered question: Do I want a child and if so, when and with whom? Emotional wounds are also touched, for example when the right partner is missing or the desire to have children remains unfulfilled for physical reasons.
Regardless of this, some people are unsure about this topic, especially at the beginning of pregnancy. It’s just too embarrassing to think of congratulating your colleague on having a child soon – and then she just put on weight. They also do not know whether the woman wants to be asked about her pregnancy at all. This actually varies from woman to woman.
“Some want you to share the joy with them, others quickly find questions to be intrusive,” explains Monika Scheddin, who works as a coach in Munich. Personally, she thinks the sentence “May I congratulate you?” is appropriate as an introductory question.
There is always the possibility that the other person will not react positively. Everyone has to learn to deal with it, that’s life. “I am responsible for my feelings and my counterpart is responsible for his feelings,” emphasizes Scheddin. For example, if the other person’s face darkens, they can ask something like “Did I commit a faux pas?”
However, a pregnancy is long and over the course of the months the same questions add up, which can definitely annoy women. You can respond to this with answers that are funny at best, but don’t invite further questions. Here Monika Scheddin gives some examples and how to counter them:
“Was that wanted?” – “Ordered, wanted and delivered soon.”
“How long did it take you?” – “It went very quickly, less than half an hour”.
“What will it be?” – “Well, my gynecologist has definitely ruled out a dog”, “Probably a child”.
“Aren’t you too old?” – “One is always too something for someone”, “I’m much too young for senior yoga, for example”.
“How much weight have you gained already?” – “Nine kilos, somehow it wasn’t possible.”
“But you’ve gotten fat.” – “I’m still fine, but you should see my husband.”
“Are you sure they won’t be twins?” – “No, not at all sure”
“But that’s the last thing, isn’t it?” – “No way, we’ll take everything that’s possible”
