Life beyond hell. How did Sylvain Augier manage to escape death after living for years with his soul gripped in the clutches of manic-depressive psychosis, this terrible illness referred to today by the less frightening term bipolarity? An illness that was genetically transmitted to him by his father and grandfather. The former star television presenter, who was notably at the helm on France 3 of “Faut pas rêver” or even “La carte au Trésor”, confides in I’m coming back from afar (Éditions Télémaque). In this poignant work written in a direct, precise and delicate style, all the suffering of this journalist passionate about extreme adventures appears immediately, in the story of his spectacular suicide attempt.
In 2010, at the age of 55, Sylvain Augier lay down on the TGV rails, not far from his home, in Gard. “I was able to tell this scene because the reptilian brain that saves us from the worst made me swerve backwards a few seconds before impact… The locomotive had become enormous and I felt a black fear, a panic fear, he confides. It was afterwards that I said to myself: “suicide is the end of my suffering but the beginning of that of others, of my wife, of my two children, of my friends”. Afterwards, it no longer occurred to me that I wanted to end it. But I got through it, and I continued to live.”
Today, looking back, while he is following treatment which allows him to live free from the disease, the man whose bipolarity was revealed at the age of 35, disrupting everything in his path, does not hide his pride in publishing the book he had been thinking about for ten years. “If I succeeded in writing this work it is because I have matured profoundly over time, with suffering, with the encounters I have had. And then one day, I met the psychiatrist whom I bless every day, the one who found this treatment for me: ketamine, a very powerful anesthetic that the Americans use against severe depression.
Proud to have, despite everything, led a busy life, Sylvain Augier displays his joy of living in his book by going so far as to write: “If I dared, I would even say that the secret of happiness has been revealed to me by illness.” Are these words going too far? The author denies this. “Without this illness, if I had not suffered so much, I would not have been able to distinguish reality from the happiness that I know today. From now on, the slightest encounter, the smallest little thing, you know when life winks at you, it gives me great joy. So, I’m not saying be bipolar to be happy, but I’m saying to myself: “phew, I’m out of it!” And if I can help other people get better thanks to this book, that would be great!”
This desire to share, Philippe Labro, an old friend of the resilient animator, understands it all the better since he himself published, in 2003, Fall seven times, rise again eight, a work in which he testifies to the depression he overcame. “I am not opposed to the possibility of expressing what happens to us, not out of narcissism but simply because we can imagine that it is a lesson for others. Especially since I know the sincerity, the intellectual and moral honesty of our friend Sylvain,” confides the writer and filmmaker.
Picking up the pen to lay bare, however, was difficult. “Without my co-editor, Renaud Delourme, the friend with whom I spoke for years, this book would not have existed,” confides the former star of the small screen. Renaud Delourme, former boss of Éditions Montparnasse confirms: “Sylvain ended up deciding because, beyond the medications which soothed his suffering, he had a need buried deep within him to testify that despite the illness, he was able to carry out a life full of meaning.” The publisher adds: “Thanks to this book, people will love Sylvain even more! He was appreciated for his smile by millions of viewers, but here he manages to convey much deeper things, like hope.”
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I’ve come a long way is a life lesson given by a man struck by illness, but also by a paragliding accident. A tragedy which almost cost him his life in 1988, and following which he spent six months in hospital, two years before his first manic-depressive attack. He recalls: “I prayed for help to come, then the helicopter arrived and saved me. Since the hospital I continued to do my show on France Inter, “Chic Planet”, that’s how I kept hope and energy!” A resilient personality praised by Boris Cyrulnik in a striking preface. The neuropsychiatrist underlines in particular: “Sylvain explains to us with honesty and lucidity that, in his childhood, he acquired protective factors. His mother gave him the gift of giving him the strength to live.”
Sylvain Augier was indeed able to count on unconditional maternal love, but also on the example of two other women: his grandmother and his wife Carol. “My grandmother had 14 children! Twelve girls! Which explains why I am surrounded by a lot of cousins! And it’s true that I have always been more attracted to women than men. My wife, to whom I have been married for thirty-three years, is an extraordinary support. She never let go of me but she sometimes shook me and yelled at me. When I was becoming addicted to morphine, after my paragliding accident, she told me: “if you don’t stop I’ll leave you”, and I stopped that within a minute,” confides the one who underlines the importance of the family: “There we find the love we must have for others.”
This need for sharing is anchored in the Christian values received by young Sylvain. “For years I served mass, got married in church and had my children baptized. I have a foundation coming from a childhood shaped by the Catholic faith. I have always been sensitive to men and women of religion. For my job, I met Sister Emmanuelle in particular, to whom I devoted a book, and Monseigneur Lustiger,” explains the native of Toulouse. Other personalities have left their mark on this thirsty for the absolute: Éric-Emmanuel Schmitt or Hubert Reeves. “I kept a childish faith, perhaps a little naive,” slips the one who has moved away from religious practice but believes more than ever that God is love.
Today, Sylvain Augier is a serene man who regularly receives renowned writers in Sommières, near Nîmes, in front of 800 people. A happy journalist after a career marked by the quest for thrills and spirituality. An author, finally, who is enjoying the success that his work, released a few days ago, is already experiencing.