It always begins with a Wow. A narcissist has charm and Esprit, acts confidently, know Exciting to tell, and showered his counterpart with compliments. The ultimate Jackpot. What escapes most of the women in your endorphin rush, however, This dream man has an expiration date. The object of his desire has been conquered only once, mutated he to the exploitative control freak.
Linda Schmid (Name known to the editors) shakes still stunned in the head, if you look back and wonder how you could so brutally take advantage of. “I was exhausted at the end so that I thought I was losing my mind. He had robbed me of all my self-confidence.” He is her Ex, with whom she was together for three years before he left her for another fall. She speaks today about him, for example, in the self-help group, called him “Indiana Jones”.
The own needs are more important than those of all other
What distinguishes narcissists from other creeps that occur in every average love biography: a master of Manipulation, which can make your relationship partner systematically done. Not with blows, but with words. She values the girlfriend or the friend so long, until only misery remains. They are so subtle that its victims recognize the mental abuse, when you are so broken that you need to get help.
self-help groups for family members of narcissists currently have a massive inlet. By the end of 2017, there were in Switzerland only four, currently there are ten. Many more were interested in the Foundation’s self-help Switzerland had to with waiting lists on the date. “We assume, however, that more self-help groups are founded,” says managing Director Sarah Wyss. It sounds like a narcissistic epidemic would have broken out.
in fact, it is rather in the fact that one is dealing with mental disorders such as the narcissism of today. “It is publicly spoken frequently about this,” says Wyss, and called to one of the main reasons why more and more victims to report, be it partners or children of narcissists.
at All seems to be narcissism the phenomenon of our time. Thanks to Donald Trump, the man provides this personality disorder like, it is medial, duration is present, the Selfie cult is booming, and in the research to argue about whether the Western society is becoming increasingly selfish. A tendency towards a vested behavior can hardly dismiss it out of Hand. After all, who wants to realize as is common today – even, for the own needs automatically in the foreground.
self-glory do not need to increase it, but it is socially acceptable — certainly better than in the past. In addition, modern parents tend to put their children on a pedestal and praise, even if it is to praise nothing. Well possible, that a Generation grows up that is believed to be something very Special and, therefore, have the right to special treatment. Exactly so think narcissists.
to shrink? None
Linda Schmid noticed the “Indiana Jones” on an Online Dating site. An attractive man with a dog. After a few Dates, he turned out to be a quick witted charismatic leader, an expert in the Asian jungle as well as Christmas Cookies and Whatsapp-poetry. “Wow, what a dream man,” thought Schmid at the time.
she was in her early 40’s, stand with both feet firmly in life, had two “normal” relationships, she says, and wanted to fall in love again. At the beginning everything was wrong. “Indiana Jones” wore Schmid on his hands, made her generous gifts to you. “I thought, with him I am safe. But he was an animal-a Predator and I the prey.”
people with a narcissistic personality are dependent on the admiration of others, to their fragile self-worth spice things up. The recognition, do you feel threatened, and values of others, in order to gain the upper hand again. “Indiana Jones” was already offended, if Linda Schmid just something for companies wanted to, or “too many” SMS from friends received. Then he pouted demonstratively.
In the right dose is self-cherishing beneficial.
“I thought it was kind-hearted and regarded it initially as a proof of Love, that he was jealous, and time with me, wanted to spend.” That you in truth systematically with withdrawal of love was punished because they do not “Indiana Jones'” needs, has addressed the concept of Schmid, it was only much later, in therapy.
“As a personality trait is narcissism quite common,” says psychologist Carolyn Morf, researcher at the University of Bern. In the right dose is self-cherishing even beneficial. However, the more intensive the behavior is pronounced, the more problematic it is for the Concerned and especially for your environment. Pathological narcissism is estimated at 1 to 2 percent of the population. In Switzerland, around 170’000 people.
it is striking that two-thirds of them are men. In the self-help groups and more women to sit for far. Whether your Partner actually have a personality disorder, suggest that the participants only. “Narcissists go from barely seeing a psychiatrist,” says Carolyn Morf. “The Problem is not you, but the others are.”
“It was like a brain, I have only done what was asked of me, because I didn’t want to disappoint him.”Linda, about “Indiana Jones”
people who fall on narcissists, “come in”, neither particularly naive nor particularly affectionate, or even stupid. On The Contrary. So you come in as a Partner, is out of the question, you need to be, in turn, desirable, and socially something. Linda Schmid does not only looks good, it also has a creative Job and a professional network, the “Indiana Jones”. “I was a trophy, he said. I was embarrassed, but at the time I interpreted it as a sign that he loved me.”
Three years Indiana Jones”, she had” a tight grip. By the time he conditioned more and more to his Wishes. “I was manipulated and didn’t realize it at first,” says Schmid. “In principle, he trained me like a dog.” The memories dig in you. Your voice is shaking.
“If “Mr. Jones” was in a bad mood, before he threw it to me. If the Sex was bad, it was up to me.” To Schmid, was constantly nagged around, so you always felt small and worthless. “It was like a brain, I have only done what was asked of me, because I didn’t want to disappoint him.” She has tears in her eyes. “I was horrible to myself.” “Indiana Jones” had reached his goal. Schmid was his puppet.
no one wanted to believe her, that you are the to the outside so treatable “Indiana Jones” bullied at home.
The constant humiliations they have paralyzed so much of the “brain” that you favor and took him on sexual practices, which corresponded to her. “It was said: You is not too much, I would like to experience something, otherwise it’s boring.” In clear text: I’m going to cheat on you or leave if you’re not here to serve me. The emotional blackmail is, it took Schmid’s true.
The constant claims of which they was enough never have you consume. You no longer slept, ate more, was ill. As a well-Known, reported that “Indiana Jones” fool you already for a long time, she collapsed. “In the hospital, he visited me Once – the new object of his desire was already following in my footsteps.”
Why did you joined the Terror just so long? Linda Schmid, lowers the view, plays for a while with your hands. “He has made me with his mind games, but I was not aware of.” In addition, your environment of “Indiana Jones was” completely thrilled.
What had for a great man, you’re in luck! Friction were part of every relationship, it was said mostly, not to do so Mimosa. No one wanted to believe her, that you are the to the outside so treatable “Indiana Jones” bullied at home, to make them even more confused, and finally, silence. “When I learned that this relationship to hell has a name – narcissism – up, it was like a redemption.”
Many Victims could happen to the behavior familiar
Why her, trying to reflect Linda Schmid in the self-help group. “Perhaps I have lived to 40 just to be safe.” Maybe she was just happy to have such a great man is found to be the adapted envied, so she has.
According to the researcher Morf partners of narcissists don’t necessarily have a bad self-worth, but many are familiar with the patterns of behavior from their parents, and can therefore be used on types such as “Indiana Jones”. “What is familiar to us from Childhood, we find also in the adult life attractive,” says Morf.
“Mr. Jones” would not Linda Schmid to cope with. “This kind of abuse I want to experience ever again.” Together with the other from the self-help group, you are prepared. Because the Paranoia to go back to a to used you only, she has not overcome yet. “I’ve always 200 francs in the wallet, so I can no longer no matter where and what time of day, a Taxi when I can take a Situation.”
Where to find help: www.selbsthilfeschweiz.ch
(Sunday newspaper)
Created: 16.03.2019, 18:20 PM
