in 2018, lived in Switzerland 12’212 minor children from divorced marriages. Over the last 15 years, it became tend to be less, also because the Divorce rate has dropped in this time. In 2018, the Federal office of statistics counted, but again, 6 percent more minor children of divorced parents than 2017.
Strong, the proportion of couples who have children and after getting married has increased since 1980. Couples have in marriage, so more and more often one or two children. Since the divorce in Switzerland to be made, on average, after 15 years of marriage, one can assume that not a few couples to separate, if the children in the Teen age or the age of majority have been reached.
In the documentary “Where We Belong” by Jacqueline Zünd tell the parents of five children and adolescents between 8 and 15 years, as you have experienced the separation of their parents. During the Film casts a glance at the fathers and mothers talk to the children in great openness about their feelings.
Liselotte dust is a psychotherapist and regularly examined children of divorce, even for opinions of the courts for the attention. How does what the kids tell in the Film?
Alessia and Ilaria, 8, Canton of neuchâtel
The Situation
the parents of The lively twins Alessia and Ilaria have separated and are both new relations are created. The siblings live with their father and his girlfriend, because it has more space. You have to spend on your desire equal time with the father as with the mother. In the case of a Transfer to a gas station in holiday, tears flowing.
“I just want my parents proud of me.”Alessia
the psychotherapist
says it is happy “Me, the twins have permission to talk to the father about the mother, and Vice versa. That is exactly the benchmark when I create reports: to Feel the children that it is okay to talk about the absent parent? If so, this may indicate that parents have found a good deal, because you allow the child the emotional relationship with the other parent.
You realize that the girls have a great need that the parents are okay. For you, it is a relief when you see that both father and mother are in a new relationship. That brings you back again in the role of children, previously you might have had the feeling that they should be for the father or the mother.”
Carleton, 13, and Sherazade, 15,
the Canton of Basel-city
The Situation
The two Teenagers from Basel-Stadt living for some time in the home. You grew up with a domineering father who, as guest says, the mother “suppressed” have. As the mother began to fight back, there had been quarrels. If the father spends with the children, he tries to determine the image of the mother.
“I remember a little of my Childhood, but not my mother.”Sherazade
The says the psychotherapist
“The father instrumentalised and manipulated the children, the abuse is nothing more than a child. He sees his task in life to the children of the weaknesses of the mother show, and would run the risk to sacrifice the relationship with the mother. This is a familiar pattern in a loyalty conflict Because children will no longer be able to withstand the pressure, part of victims, the relationship to the parents, they are less dependent.
God was able to develop thanks to Carleton, and a guest in the home, there is a outer view of the parents. If you talk, I hear the social pedagogy. With these children has worked very well.
I have considered in this Situation, maybe also a foreign placement, because children’s homes are often much better than their reputation. Of the children and young people, which I observing, to come but many never make it this far. You have been manipulated and rocks of the wickedness of the parent is convinced and determined to want to never see again.
children of separated parents can make the experience that every conflict means that everything is destroyed, the disaster occurred. It is possible that you will give up later in a relationship, as soon as a conflict emerges.”
Thomas, 15, Canton of Lucerne
The Situation
farmer’s son Thomas remembers how his mother used to say, you’ll pack now. First he thought she was going on vacation. As the father of the separation of language, he understood little. With the parents of Thomas are not talking about today, not about what happened, the mother wants to, that he speaks with her about the father. Most like Thomas has his tractor.
“At the beginning I was ashamed, we are in a place that was the only separation.”Thomas
The says the psychotherapist
“Thomas looks lonely. To him, it seems to be a lack of models, how to deal with difficult situations. In psychotherapy it’s called the “learned helplessness”, Thomas says that he can’t change the Situation anyway. On the farm, where the work structures the day, it seems to be missing in addition to supervision. It is a silent It is-goes-On.
Very disturbing, I think Thomas prefers to visit the grave of his grandfather. As a teenager, has made the experience that the dead listen better than the Living.
anyone Who has not experienced that emotional relationships can be a resource, runs the risk, to exploit relationships in General. A woman is just there on the farm to help out.
Typical is that Thomas knows exactly how his mother initiated the separation. For many children, this Moment is traumatic. You can remember exactly how the weather was or what they ate. This is also true for those children, which will see the separation coming.”
idealization of the Patchwork model
Generally are not asked: does the company in Switzerland is set at a divorce rate of 40 percent to a lot more craft families, because at some point it becomes normal, that children grow up with different caregivers?
“If people have separated and have children, explain it this way, then you must do this even to relieve themselves,” says dust. The formation of blended families is for kids but always a great challenge, while the adults have high expectations of this family have the form and idealized.
“I have recently examined a girl, never with his parents lived. If you give him dolls and it is his Desire to play is staged, it is the father-mother-child and is sad when the parents separate in the game.” According to the dust each wishes himself examined the child that his parents will get back together.
“Where We Belong” runs from 14. November in the cinemas.
Created: 14.11.2019, 11:49 PM
