In the past, when everyone still adhered to the rule-based world order established by Sepp Herberger and Gary Lineker, the leather ball was round. After the game was before the game. A game lasted 90 minutes. 22 men played – and in the end the Germans won.
Today the ball is made of plastic triangles. Before and after the game it is essential to “set signs”. The game lasts 117 minutes, complete strangers are substituted in all the time. And in the end, Saudi Arabia or Japan wins. Everything was definitely better in the past.
How did this Pearl Harbor of German football come about? The break in the German team’s game came in the 63rd minute when Antonio Rüdiger had the idea of imitating Otto Waalkes’ running style. Shortly thereafter, Niklas Süle and Nico Schlotterbeck played like Susi Carefree and blow-dried their golden hair while the Japanese scored two humorless goals.
However, the team may also have been unfocused because they were already thinking about what “strong signal” they could send before the next game. It is obvious that the German team has weaknesses in punctuation. Before kick-off, the players covered their mouths with their hands.
32 teams, an estimated 1.2 million visitors – the World Cup in Qatar brings the world together. But for fans from one country, the trip to the Gulf State is extremely tricky. “The Qataris don’t like us at all,” says a fan from Israel.
Source: WELT/Steffen Schwarzkopf
Until the round of sixteen, eyes, ears and noses could still be considered for further football political happenings. Where hand in front of the nose would be tricky, because this sign could be read as a racist affront to the opponent, host, referee or whoever.
The stupid thing about postmodernism is that everything can be read by everyone as everything. The Qataris, for example, read “Diversity” in such a way that one should please have enough tolerance to kindly leave them alone when it comes to discriminating against selected minorities.
Fifa-Idi-Amin Gianni Infantino delighted the world last Saturday with a victim rap in which he explained that he now reads or feels like “Qatari, Arab, African, gay, disabled, migrant worker”. He went on to say that a visit to the stadium workers in Qatar reminded him of his youth in Switzerland. After all, as a red-haired child, he was also discriminated against.
Infantino was no more discriminated against in Switzerland than the Matterhorn. But that didn’t stop him from teaching the West the moral lesson that the West should first apologize for 3,000 years for 3,000 years of history before giving moral lessons.
The ulterior motive was probably that Fifa could then organize 750 world championships in morally extremely diverse countries and make a good deal of cash in the process. His performance was marginally more convincing than Vladimir Putin’s recent attempts to position himself as the leader of the oppressed global South.
The fact that the DFB let the Emir puppet Infantino ban the bandage is a bit more embarrassing than the defeat against Japan. The emphatically meaningless “One Love” armband was already the symbol of buckling before the ban on the rainbow armband. Quasi the Qatari receipt of moral bankruptcy. You have to be called Nancy Faeser to demonstratively cool your free mug in the stands.
For the remaining two games, the DFB squad now urgently needs to practice punctuation. It’s best if she just throws three balls into the corner. If that doesn’t work, she could be inspired by the activists of the “last generation”, who glued themselves to the conductor’s podium in the Elbphilharmonie on Wednesday to – logo – set an example against CO₂ emissions.
The German team could glue themselves to the pitch after the game against Costa Rica. It’s probably their best chance of remaining in the tournament after the preliminary round.
