A man wants to help because he is afraid to stop as the murderer. He has assaulted seven different women, he lived together with four so difficult that they need to be taken into hospital. On the question of what caused all of this violence, the man answered: ”I have had bad luck with my women. They have been obsessed by sex and flörtat with others”.
The one who listened to this story is the Norwegian psychologist Per Isdal. Together with a colleague, he started thirty years ago ”Option to vold”, the first the in Europe for men who beat. Today, thousands of men – and some women – where received help to manage his aggression.
Read more: Violence affects even those who’ll help
” The most important thing is that anyone who is violent must realize their own responsibility, and that it is not someone else’s fault that he or she strikes. Often it can be a pretty long process because the violence may have been going on for a long time and it is hard to admit that you have actually beaten the someone you really love, ” says Per Isdal.
for thousands of years violence has been a force in human relationships – but that violence, in many cases, is also an expression of impotence.
After so long have worked to treat the men that strikes are Per Isdals experience to våldsspiraler going to break – but it requires hard work.
” Violence is something that is associated with strength, courage, power and masculinity. The violent hero worshipped, is still in the books and movies.
the one who knows The powerlessness on those who are yet hjälplösare, often, their partners and their children.
When the Per Isdal studied psychology and criminology, he was curious if there were any alternatives to punishment and imprisonment of men who beat. Then, in the mid-1980s, were offered by men of therapy to come to terms with his violent behavior.
” I remember thinking that the violent behavior probably has social and psychological causes, but the men who use violence were not any help. A bit simplified we can say that women with problems with violence were sent to the psychiatry, while men were placed in a cell without access to care.
– I also noticed during my studies that men who grew up in homes where violence has been a natural feature themselves were more likely to use violence. They saw it as a way to manage conflict, both at home and in society. This becomes particularly clear in connection with alcohol consumption.
worked for a long time as a sportswriter on the newspaper Dagbladet in Oslo. He was a dedicated opponent of all forms of professional boxing; he considered it not as a serious sport to hurt the other, but saw it only as a means to exercise violence.
– was at all the fight against all forms of violence important in my childhood.
Later, as a teenager and young adult, experienced the Per Isdal that violence occurs throughout society, but perhaps more often of the less privileged.
” I saw it as an expression of powerlessness and dissatisfaction with their own situation. The one who knows the powerlessness on those who are yet hjälplösare, often, their partners and their children.
Directly after receiving his masters degree in psychology, started Per Isdal and a fellow student in 1987, ”Option to vold”. Then, there were no direct role models but they had to find on their own methods and solutions. Today, the business has grown and all around in Norway are now working a total of seventy psychologists and therapists to help men who beat.
– The general view was that all men who hit are psychopaths without empathy and remorse. Therapy was considered ineffective. Pretty soon applied for a number of men voluntarily up me and my colleague to get help. It was something that broke the image of the empatistörda and psychopathic våldsverkaren.
the Men who came to them did not understand themselves and their behavior, ” says Per Isdal. They described themselves in therapy as powerless, but gained power through violence. It may seem as a paradox, a contradiction, but to see themselves as victims justified in a way violence.
” that’s Why it is still important for us therapists to get men to see that ”evil” actually exists within them. Sometimes it is easier and sometimes harder. The men would almost always convince themselves and us therapists that their problems are not so great. But you have to stick your finger in the wound to find the motivation to change.
First year treated Per Isdal and his colleague, a hundred or so men, then a few hundred … and today thousands of violent men received help to manage his aggression. The business also includes in the day are women, and has spread to Sweden.
– Positive, is my picture. We got already from the beginning the support of the equivalent to women’s shelters and senior feminists I think it is extremely important that men and women work together in these issues.
” I have experienced that it has been more difficult to get support for a similar work and approach in Sweden. The resistance to help men with problems with violence have been greater. If it is because Sweden has more patriarchal structures, or the more militant feminists with strong voices, I can’t answer.
Per Isdals picture is that in Norway now, there is a common understanding that violence against women is mainly psychological causes and must be tackled with psychotherapy. In Sweden seems to men’s violence have been regarded as a social problem that is taken care of by the social worker, ” he says.
” But the A and O is that violence is a complex problem, as in all of the contexts must be managed by personnel with high competence.
– There are several. It is about people’s position in society, about culture and traditions … yes, if the patriarchal structures. Overall, there are more marital in countries with gender inequality, and less in countries with more equal footing between the sexes. The best way to reduce violence is to work for social inclusion and gender equality.
Although women also use violence, we must remember that men’s violence is six times worse and ten times more often leading to murder or manslaughter.
Then we have the psychological explanatory models, ” says Per Isdal. In accordance with these, violence is a way of mastering their feelings, almost always negative ones.
” Many men who come to the us come from homes where they, themselves, experienced violence, where their mothers or they themselves were beaten. Such an upbringing can create fears and anxiety that leads to that you posses becomes aggressive and beats. We can say that men ”learn” to use violence.
Although women also use violence, we must remember that men’s violence is six times worse and ten times more often leading to murder or manslaughter. That is why it is so important to reach men early.
that the men be trained in a mansroll where the violence is as a natural element. In popular culture solve the heroes problems and difficult situations with violence. And the practitioners of various more or less bloody martial arts become role models for many young men.
the Therapists of the Alternative til vold sees violence as a problem to be treated in a similar manner as depression and anxiety. That is to say without condemnation and moralising.
” We focus clearly on the violence and to make visible the seriousness of what has happened. At the same time as it comes to show empathy for those who are looking for help. The treatment is that men need to take responsibility for their actions and not blame it on others and unfortunate circumstances.
” But it is not just about stopping the physical violence, but also about creating a sense of security for all involved. Today, we are working with the whole family. Even if there is a separation or divorce, the men of course, continue to be fathers.
