the Question whether you should swipe on 1. date, sharing still waters.
After pill, 60’s and 70-frigørelsesprojekt, feminism and women in the labour market, dating online, normskred and consumption celebration and individualised hedonism, there are still people who believe that you should not have sex on 1. date, because it shows that you are cheap and thus not kærestemateriale.
This can be seen by reading the comments under an article on the dameafdelingen of the second and at the same time bornerte uk site dailymail.co.uk.
the Article is about a datingapp, Jaumo, has asked more than 30,000 british, american, canadian and German members, they will swipe at 1. date.
59 percent of canadian single women say yes to sex after the initial meeting, and the same applies to 48 percent of the u.s. and 40 percent of british women and 23 percent of the German.
Not surprisingly, men in the study are more willing to be ‘cheap’. Three out of four british gentlemen are ready for sex on 1. date, and 63 percent of the us.
A big part of the comments below the article are, to say the least judgmental of the women in particular, who may find to be generous with their bodies on the 1 date: So, is she cheap, without self-respect, a whore and not kærestemateriale:
A few mixes in the conversation and trying to defend the right of women to have sex without being slutshamet: the
Kiss & love – 6. aug. 2016 – pm. 18:12 TV: Make the first date a success
As the figures in datingundersøgelsen shows, there are large cultural differences, which makes it difficult to transfer them to Danish conditions. But we asked the Danish sexologist Bastian Larsen, we hertillands still judgmental opposite sex on 1. date.
He begins with an anecdote that shows something about the prejudices:
– For a number of years ago I was dumped by my boyfriend, and one month after the expiry of my contract with TV2 in denmark, and I could not get back to Copenhagen, because my apartment was rented out the next year.
– To say I was bitter is an understatement, but luckily I had heard about it here the online dating and went on a rampage in Aarhus’ datingliv and later copenhagen. Over the next three years I was on somewhere between 6-700 dates, and had tried part of in the world.
– One of the many strange phenomena I came across in the world, was enough prejudices about sex on the first date. I don’t know how many times I have sat in a sofa, my own, or her, and everything went in the right direction, towards the bedroom, and suddenly stops so the woman got up and exclaimed: ‘I hope not, you think that I am such a one who always has sex with people on the first date!’
In such a situation, should the man remember to create the appropriate frown, so not the woman goes into deadlock, and it all closes down, explains Larsen:
it is not me she is talking to, but God, his mother, or another expression of the great fault – and skammonster, which unfortunately still exist within many women.
Kiss & love – 4. jan. 2019 – at. 22:19 Sexologists on the date: the Men think we are nymfomaner
In the u.s. scorekunstner-world, among the so-called Pick Up Artists, talking about the concept of Anti-Slut-Defense-System:
– the moment a woman is afraid to be perceived or perceive themselves as cheap, she closes her down and backs away. And I find, unfortunately, that there still is a pretty big condemnation of women who have sex on the first date – and also of women, who have much sex, and perhaps with many different partners. Unfortunately, I see that condemnation comes from other women much more than from men.
– But, to be honest. Our mothers and grandmothers fought for, that women got the right to their own body, so when women use it – and perhaps even taking the initiative to get the sex they want – so I find it hard to see that it must be problematic.
– So even if there is also, of course, is men who don’t like women who are too sexually aggressive, so I experience that the biggest problem today is that women have been their own sexpoliti. The romantic myth about the initiative for sex is something that should come from a place outside of women though, sitting sadly still, in many women a great nuisance for both men and women. So forget the shame and guilt.
– The only way to get a harmonious sex – and datingliv, is, if you learn to take what you need and meets her partners away. Both men and women, says Bastian Larsen.
Here is the benefit of to wait with sex
Sexologist Katrine Berling has in the past the answer to this question: Should you have sex on the first date?
– I think it depends on who it is you are on a date with, and why you will want to have sex. Are you on a date with someone who is very sweet, but as you can’t really see as kærestepotentiale, and you have wild very bright for him and the sex, then go for it.
– But it is the person who you think is crazy amazing, and as you can see as a future boyfriend, then I would recommend that you do not have sex on the first date, says Katrine Berling, who believes that something of the magic disappears after sex, and therefore deprive themselves of a lot of excitement, butterflies in the stomach and opirrende expectation.
another good reason to wait a little bit is, according to Berling, a girl gets a little more interesting, the men are hunters and the like will lay down his prey, and he will be like at the last. All this play cheats also themselves, if you go to bed with each other on the first date, explains Katrine Berling.
Therapist Rikke Thuesen believes there is nothing to lose by waiting;
– There is something magical about the tension between two people who know that they will probably have sex one day, but not doing it yet: A pleasant anticipation of a very special, almost like a tremulous energy.
And no matter when you have sex together for the first time, then it is a fact that when you first entered into the sexual universe with a new potential partner, so it ends up with sex the next, and the next time you are together. Sometimes you so busy to reach for the ‘dissolution’ that you forget to enjoy the expectation of it! says Rikke Thuesen.