Only a fool fear not christmas. Is your relationship already discordant, or that there fnidder in the relationship, so can you be so sure that the brown gravy to another, and gifts under the tree, that the problems will flame up in the christmas season.
for The same reason, joins the parterapeuter always about the extra bustle in January.
Is your kærlighedsrelation already loaded, you can be sure that christmas puts the relationship in a vice, tells the therapist Christiane Meuhlengracht to Ekstra Bladet.
– Christmas is coming often to act on the children. And gifts. Events. But today, it is not the presents that mean the most to them – or you. The most important thing is to experience the presence of god in the family. That is a rare commodity in our society, says the therapist.
most are dreaming of a christmas with cosiness, harmony, presence and pleasure:
– Yet we are busy filling the christmas holidays with events and activities – which we end up with addressing as something ‘we should’. First, it is not something we NEED. ‘We must’ provides us with a guarantee nor does the present and loving christmas, as we want. It can conscious choices about what we prioritise.
Sexperterne How to avoid the divorce
According to the Meuhlengracht must speak to each other and more importantly listen to each other:
– The most tangible way to do this is to arrange a point in time and a defined period of time – say 1/2-1 hour. Go for a walk, talk in the car or over a cup of coffee. Arrange how you like christmas in years.
– Go right down in the detail. Get tuned to your wishes and expectations. The starting point is that christmas should do something good for you individually and for your relationship, rather than udtære and drain you of all energy and love.
She comes here with suggestions on what you can turn in this conversation:
What exactly is the meaning of, that WE celebrate christmas?
What do we do for our sake – and what do we do for the sake of others, or because we feel we should?
When we are in January look back on this christmas, what a tale we could think to have on it?
however, It is not enough to have a conversation: You need longer, you need to check and tinker with everything:
– the Drop half of the plans and expectations you have. Rain, the greater the expectation you have for something, the greater the disappointment when your expectations are not met. Keep yourself open and curious.
– Special expectations of the ‘other’ can be problematic. You can’t expect your partner to magically transform themselves during the christmas season. The only thing you can really change is your own attitude and behaviour as well as your response to their behavior. It is your responsibility to create the feeling and the christmas you want. It is not the boyfriend, the kids or your mother, that should do it for you.
Syretesten is according to Christiane Meuhlengracht to ask yourself the question: Create it, I do, more cohesion and joy, or more distance?
See also: Test your relationship In a divorce – or it goes super well?
Do something for yourself and for your girlfriend every day, is another of the therapist’s suggestions on what can improve your christmas and the time then:
– Basically, what you focus on, fill the most in your life. What shall it be this year? All that you have and create together, or everything that you not satisfied with? You must choose to have focus to enjoy or be stressed out and disappointed?
A way to focus on the positive is to do something for the girlfriend and yourself.
– Every day. A little pampering in december. Neyine It doesn’t have to be time-consuming. It can be anything from extra kisses and caresses, a little note in the lunch bag or to you and talking about your dreams instead of watching TV.
Kiss & love – 20. feb. 2017 – at. 21:25 This increases the risk for divorce
– But is there anything at all to do, if a single stress christmas is enough to knock down loaded?
– Yes, I think there is. The most important is probably the recognition that the couple have come there. We can’t take steps that are changing the relationship without realization. There are five steps in the change. Recognition, commitment, acceptance, release and new action. But it can be a difficult step to take.
– If a christmas tumble throughout loaded for the couple’s relationship, it is likely, that In itself has tried several different measures to improve the relationship. Now maybe it is time to get new help. It is no shame to get help for it, we are not even mastered.
– It can be a good idea to put all the hard in the last 14 days of december and the agreement, to take the difficult conversation up once again inside January. Just to create some peace in the family and give space to breathe. Parks mind and grublerierne on big decisions, so you can afford the space to be mentally and emotionally present at christmas, says parterapeuet Christiane Meuhlengracht.