Everybody has a secret, a white lie, something they prefer not to say out loud. In Metro’s confession section, a Metro reader dares to do just that. This week: Annemarie (33), who admits she prefers her youngest child.
You often hear mothers say that when you have a second child, secretly you don’t know if you can love them as much as your first child. Because the first one made you a mother. Everything was new, every milestone special; how could that still be special with a second child?
Rose-colored glasses
I was also one of those mothers who thought that. Despite a tough start with my oldest, Esti – the birth ended in an emergency c-section and Esti turned out to be a colicky baby, making the first six months hellish – I found her to be the most adorable baby in the world. Those chubby legs, the cooing (which only started after six months), the first time crawling and walking, her first words…
In my eyes, she was perfect. Of course, I was looking through my own rose-colored glasses – every parent has them. Because I conveniently ignored the fact that she was still screaming three hours a night after a year, just like I ignored the fact that I had bags under my eyes down to my toes.
And then I found out I was pregnant again, a year and a half after Esti was born. Unexpected, definitely wanted, just a little earlier than planned. And even though I was happy, I also thought: how can I ever love this second child as much as Esti? The baby in my belly already felt like it was at a disadvantage, which made me feel guilty – I blamed my hormones.
Completely in love with the second
On a scorching hot summer day, our son Lou was born, and when he was placed on my chest, my doubts disappeared in an instant. This felt so different from when Esti was born. The birth had gone much smoother this time, and Lou was an angelic baby who turned out to be an excellent sleeper by nature. I was thrilled with our new addition, enjoyed those first few weeks, and was just completely in love with Lou.
Lou remained an exemplary baby and still is, seven months later. He’s a delightful little boy, cheerful, happy, has been sleeping through the night since he was two months old… This is how it can be. At the same time, Esti is still Esti. My cheerful girl, but with a feisty temperament. She’s in the throes of toddlerhood now and can really get under my skin with her defiance. Not listening, screaming, yelling, still not sleeping well. I know it’s a phase, but she was like this as a baby too. That makes me think: maybe this is just her personality.
Confession: youngest child is the favorite
And I almost don’t dare to confess it, but I just don’t find that personality very likeable. It’s exhausting, challenging, nothing comes easy. Every day, I’m arguing, playing police officer, negotiating, or yelling. Give me the peace and calm of Lou any day. Things don’t have to be difficult with him, and even though he still has to go through the toddler stage, which won’t always be easy, I do think it says something about his personality. And if I’m completely honest with myself, I just find my youngest child a little more likable than the oldest.
But there’s no way I’m going to confess this in real life. I see those stories on Facebook sometimes, and when I read the harsh comments underneath, I steer clear. Yes, anonymously in this way, I dare. Because I know there are mothers like me who might feel very guilty about these thoughts – I struggle with that myself. But still, I want to make it discussable, give others a morale boost. You’re not alone. Although I would never tell anyone in my immediate circle and keep up appearances. If only they knew…
More editions of Confessions can be found here.
For privacy reasons, the names have been changed. The real names are known to the editorial team.
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Reactions
As a mother, loving your children equally is a common concern. It’s natural to have preferences or find certain aspects of one child more endearing than the other. Annemarie bravely admits her feelings of favoritism towards her youngest child while acknowledging the guilt that comes with it. This confession sheds light on the complexities of motherhood and the internal struggles that parents face when dealing with conflicting emotions towards their children. It’s important to remember that every child is unique, and it’s okay for parents to have different relationships with each of their children based on individual personalities and dynamics. Ultimately, what matters most is the love and care that parents provide to all their children, regardless of any personal preferences.