Maija Ilmoniemi, 37, noticed the difference, that the relationship must be in all respects in equilibrium – also financially. He doesn’t want to be ever broke, or a man to support.According to statistics finland’s figures on divorce in Finland.
I Look around and wonder how I ended up in this situation. Several pounds without the weight, penniless and homeless by asking for money down to the welfare office.
I Felt humiliated.
will Be my turn to deal with the department of social security with the employee.
the closer I am to him my situation: a man left – now I’m broke and homeless. He was rather neutral without much empathy. It slightly startled. Isn’t that idea what I have experienced?
for Him, this of course is work and everyday life, but for me, the situation really isn’t it where I imagine I’m a 33-year-old.
Taru oak cliff”Decided to throw myself into a relationship”
I Had known my boyfriend for several years. We met at this event and we became friends. We were regularly dealing with and over time we started dating.
our Relationship began to stage my boyfriend was offered a job in Sweden. Unexpectedly, he asked me to move in with him.
I Was recently sold the communication industry my business to my partner for a nominal amount, because I felt that the business world wasn’t my thing.
Taru oak cliff
I Thought Sweden modification would give me a little stop and some time to think about my career.
I Went in my mind through different scenarios – what if we break up or I don’t get a job? However, I had a good feeling about our relationship.
We had so much fun together and a lot of common interests. Decided to throw myself into the relationship and we moved to Sweden.
Luovuttuani my company I had done freelancing work and get a nice job in the communications field.
I Planned that to continue freelancing and doing Swedish from work in Finland. However, I noticed quickly that it wasn’t as simple distance. This when I realized I started to apply for a job in Sweden.
I Went to several interviews, but jobs were hard to get, since the Swedish language had not been so fresh in the memory and the competition was fierce. I don’t know in advance no idea how difficult getting your foot in the door between the Swedish labour market was.
over Time however, I did manage to get a part-time job, which I did from home.
Taru oak cliff everyday life proved to be different
everyday we in Sweden was different than I imagined. I thought that the man my friend, when creating a career in sport I am a successful business woman.
we would Live in common and happy everyday in every way in a balanced ratio.
the Truth, however, was that I experienced feeling lonely because my boyfriend was away a lot.
I Was much at home, I did my part time job, writing my blog, I’m looking for work and I was wandering around alone in the city. In between I was watching my boyfriend play and työesiintymisiä, but most of the time I was home for him.
we Lived in a small town, where everyone seemed to be already own circuits. It was difficult to find their own environment and to make friends.
Change the former was great, because in Helsinki when I was living I had meaningful work, a lot of social life and family close.
my Mood began to decline.
at the Same time I gnaw the relationship crept imbalance. I had always been strong and independent woman, but now I had my boyfriend to support in another country, without a career and social relationships.
I Felt that I supported my boyfriend more in his career than he is to me. I know I’m the underdog in our relationship.
Gradually, codependency begins to raise his head. I started to hang my friends and nag, if he came home late or him text messages related to work.
money relief limited
I Missed my career and the experience I necessary. I experienced to feel so insecure that I was afraid my boyfriend will find someone else.
feeling Bad made me change fully my true self as the opposite – naggy and insecure people.
it bothered Me also that my boyfriend had to support me. I really had gone to Sweden for the second dependent, and I had always wanted to make myself my own money.
I didn’t buy myself anything, because I didn’t want to beg the man my friend money for anything extra. I could not go spontaneously to the cafe for coffee or lunch, because the money wasn’t.
Sometimes I was wandering around a clothing store in the time admiring the clothes, even though I knew I was leaving the shop empty-handed.
Once, however, I bought a cheap clothing chain 40 euros to pay for the jeans after much deliberation. These jeans make me so happy and I introduced them at home the man my friend.
If we wanted to as a couple do something or go together to eat, my boyfriend always had to pay.
Although she understood my situation, I noticed, that the economic imbalances we bothered her, too. I noticed its the small gestures and random comments. They felt bad because I was trying to get to work.
christmas ended get rid of the
after we had been together a couple of years we stayed in touch christmas in Finland. We had challenging times in our relationship, because we lived in Sweden, mainly his work on the terms and for myself it was hard not to, my work situation, money being worthless, and my loneliness.
That during the christmas holidays my boyfriend told me he wants a divorce. I went into shock, and I couldn’t believe it. His decision came just from behind a tree, for he had always said that we get out together and everything would be all right.
I Felt betrayed and totally a failure.
All my dreams and my vision of the future were dashed the difference. I was thinking that this is the rest of my life in a couple relationship, where we would live a great and balanced life in Sweden. I had hoped that we get together, boy and man my friend would be a devoted father.
was I in my mind imagine also for a moment, when was your the man my friend, the career end of time and I could be witnessing the moment when his game his shirt would be raised to the ceiling. All that wrecked and feel that all life disappeared from the base.
I immediately Started to make the move away from Sweden. I collapsed completely, however, and I had to go to the hospital to seek professional help for the worst in a state of shock. My parents went to Sweden to pick up my stuff.
Living as in a fog, and I moved my parents to live. Safety, my feelings had completely disappeared. I remember how in the evenings I ask my mother next to me to ensure that I fall asleep.
I went Back some way in time to my childhood, because I was so broken. It was however comforting to know that the world is left to people to turn to in difficult situations.
Soon I got my friend through a small rent in a studio apartment that I could afford already got subsidies. Homelessness, it’s good to get your own home and the apartment became more important to me asylum.
at the Beginning I didn’t have the strength to do anything. Seems hard, but solve the big questions about who I am and what I want to do.
the Most stress caused, however, broke: how to pay the bills and what shall I do? I felt like I was still convalescent, and not my thoughts traveled to the fullest.
a couple of months I got less than half a year’s work project.
It was a low-paid job, but I was able to support myself and get off the aid money to live on. This work, then I went to Norway fishing entrepreneur’s assistant, because I felt that I still need time to think about my life direction.
When I returned from Norway after six months, my thoughts were much clearer.
one Thing led to another and I get meaningful work in the communications and host of a couple.
Now from the event time almost five years and my life is good. I’ve just started a new job and my financial situation is good.
Although the experience was rough, I don’t regret anything.
Everything that happened has led me to this situation, where I felt I was in the right place. Experience taught me that you never wanted to be broke or unbalanced relationship. The money had to talk about already the beginning of the relationship, and women should have their own money.
despite Everything, my relationship with money has changed more relaxed.
I Trust that the society supports the moment, if it is necessary, and that work, yes to pay, while doing the right things.
Today, I’m leaner and I recognize that nothing is self-evident.
Life is good right now, and I look forward to the future.
the Thing is published for the first time 13.10.2018.